I have been thinking all day about what to write here, and nothing is coming up. Lots of flashes of ideas, but nothing concrete. So I think I’m just going to complain a lot.
- Today, what looked like slush on the ground was actually ice. I took a spill in the parking garage before my screenwriting class. Can something be embarrassing if no one is there to see it? No one was there, but this still felt embarrassing.
- I was going to write some big long piece about creativity and mental issues, but I don’t feel like making myself depressed. Also, I just read a bunch of my old flash fiction pieces and realized that they suck and I might be a terrible writer. A piece of advice: when you’re going to take on a piece of writing, don’t read a bunch of the crap you wrote at age 18 or 19 to pump yourself up. You will be the opposite of pumped.
- I almost had an aneurysm in my screenwriting class tonight. I don’t want to make another huge post about writing and gender, but I am clutching my pearls at how difficult it seems for women in Hollywood. Almost every film that we discussed in the class was about men, was written by men, and was directed by a man. There are only four girls in the class (there are about 11 boys). If I have to hear one more time about how kickin’ rad and awesome Christopher Nolan and David Fincher and James Cameron are, I’m going to scream. If I have to hear one more dudebro dismiss every film with a female protagonist as a “chick flick,” I’m going to land a roundhouse kick to his testicles. If I see one more screenwriter developing a kick-ass female character and thinking that just because she kicks ass, she must be a POWERFUL CHICK ROLE MODEL (even though she has no depth or personality and usually she ends up in some sort of stupid relationship by the end anyway), I am going to torch all of North America with a flamethrower. Is it so much to ask that there be films with female characters who seem REAL? Who talk about things other than men and babies and clothes? Can someone write a female character that I identify with? How many slacker man-child characters have been put on film? Basically every male character in every Judd Apatow film ever. How many female characters do you see who want to sit around and eat brownies and have a messy apartment and no dreams and no need for a relationship and they own a pair of sweatpants for every day of the week? And if you can think of any characters like that, how many of them are the hero of their film? Clearly I want to change this. One of the dreams is that I will one day write (and sell) a slacker film for women. And it will be awesome because if I know anything, I know the art of being lazy. Yes. IT’S AN ART.
- Have you ever looked in a literary journal or gone to your local library and looked through the table of contents or scanned the shelves? And have you ever noticed just how many of those authors you’ve never heard of? Guys, so many people want to be writers. And it’s so rare that someone makes it. And it’s even rarer that they’ll have some sort of acclaim. Sometimes I don’t know if I can do it. I think, what’s so special about me that I’ll make it? Probably nothing. It’s all very daunting.
- Snooki is on the New York Times bestsellers list. She wrote a novel. A GODDAMN NOVEL. Do you see what I mean about it all being so daunting? Someone get me a Bump-It and an STD, because apparently that’s what it takes to be a rich author nowadays.
Next week I’m going to try and post something ACTUALLY CREATIVE (like, using all my writerly skills and brainpower and everything). It won’t be as good as A Shore Thing by Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, but it might still be okay.
Oh, and also, read Mary Miller’s Big World, because I’m reading it and it might be the best thing I’ve read in
a long time my entire life.