Just-After-Christmas Lists***

27 Dec

First, my brother reading 2nd graders’ letters to Santa (local paper insert).  I hate like a whole lot how I look in these (AFTER CHRISTMAS DINNER  + LOW ANGLE + FLAT HAIR = NOTHING FLATTERING GOIN ON) but they make me laugh so I’ll DEAL WITH IT.







List Of Things I Ate, Drank, or Threw At Children’s Heads While Having Dinner Alone At Taco Bell And Reading When All Our Days Are Numbered Marching Bands Will Fill the Streets & We Will Not Hear Them Because We Will Be Upstairs in the Clouds For The Second Time

  1. Chicken burrito
  2. Cinnamon twists – 89 cents
  3. Nachos and cheese – least distracting, as the cinnamon twists are crumbly and burrito is cheesy-stringy and falls out in chunks.  Least interesting taste also, which is a factor in said small degree of distraction.
  4. Raspberry tea – pleasant surprise at the soda fountain.


List Of People I Remember Seeing In Taco Bell The Same Evening

  1. Two middle-aged people making out in a booth.  They had the same hair texture but one was a mullet and one was something else with feathered bangs.  Already felt like a middle school outcast eating by myself while READING A BOOK and this kinda made it worse.  Also, tongue swords.
  2. An attractive, female twenty-something Taco Bell employee with periwinkle eyeshadow.  Also, most genuinely happy-looking fast food employee I’ve ever seen.


List Of Things I Ate, Drank, Or Hit With a Baseball Bat While Reading How Some People Like Their Eggs For The First Time

  1. Chicken’n’dumplings.
  2. A melon-flavored Propel, which tastes like calories but mostly isn’t.



***  Whether I ate, drank, threw, or hit each individual item is up to your interpretation.


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