First, my brother reading 2nd graders’ letters to Santa (local paper insert). I hate like a whole lot how I look in these (AFTER CHRISTMAS DINNER + LOW ANGLE + FLAT HAIR = NOTHING FLATTERING GOIN ON) but they make me laugh so I’ll DEAL WITH IT.
List Of Things I Ate, Drank, or Threw At Children’s Heads While Having Dinner Alone At Taco Bell And Reading When All Our Days Are Numbered Marching Bands Will Fill the Streets & We Will Not Hear Them Because We Will Be Upstairs in the Clouds For The Second Time
- Chicken burrito
- Cinnamon twists – 89 cents
- Nachos and cheese – least distracting, as the cinnamon twists are crumbly and burrito is cheesy-stringy and falls out in chunks. Least interesting taste also, which is a factor in said small degree of distraction.
- Raspberry tea – pleasant surprise at the soda fountain.
List Of People I Remember Seeing In Taco Bell The Same Evening
- Two middle-aged people making out in a booth. They had the same hair texture but one was a mullet and one was something else with feathered bangs. Already felt like a middle school outcast eating by myself while READING A BOOK and this kinda made it worse. Also, tongue swords.
- An attractive, female twenty-something Taco Bell employee with periwinkle eyeshadow. Also, most genuinely happy-looking fast food employee I’ve ever seen.
List Of Things I Ate, Drank, Or Hit With a Baseball Bat While Reading How Some People Like Their Eggs For The First Time
- A melon-flavored Propel, which tastes like calories but mostly isn’t.
*** Whether I ate, drank, threw, or hit each individual item is up to your interpretation.